this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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