I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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