Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
