so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
