Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
