so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
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The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
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I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Pants are for mortals
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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