I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
