Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
