literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
