My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
