the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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