I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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