when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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