The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
