You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I feel like abortions should bother me more
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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