I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Be still, my beating vagina.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
