they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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