i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
