Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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