Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I feel like abortions should bother me more
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
