Umm I'm too high to move.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
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she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
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Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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