well I can't set my house on fire every night
I accidentally burped into my bong.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
