I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
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She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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