This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
