I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I currently don't understand fingers.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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