for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
