There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
