hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
