I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
