checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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