Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
