I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
