I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
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