i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Randomize
