I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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