everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I just had sex on a roof
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I'm always down for nudity.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
