you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
