I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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