Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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