Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
