Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
