$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
