so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
