Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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