She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
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she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
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I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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