Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
