she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Randomize