I'm really into asian looking animals
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Randomize
