someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
what is it with giant penises always finding me
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
