Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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