yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
