I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
