The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
