Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
