yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Randomize
