I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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