your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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