and next time when you feel me up, do it right
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
