yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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