the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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