I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
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