i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
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