You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
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Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
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We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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