Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
