Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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