You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
