smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
