we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
