Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
