Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
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