On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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