I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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