dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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