Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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