I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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