Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
